This week has been difficult. The combination of a friend's funeral, inconclusive covid tests, cancelled plans and a mouldy carpet, left me feeling upset, angry, and fed up! On Saturday there was Christmas cheer in the air, as Michael Bublé crooned on the radio, neighbours hung their fairy lights on roofs and windows, and we planned to deck our own hall (aka our living room!). But I was feeling more Grinch and less gracious! I was frowning, huffing and puffing; crying, moaning and generally making sure everyone else felt my misery. I am an excellent wallower and can throw spectacular pity parties for one!
It wasn't until about 4pm in the afternoon, after a long walk in the freezing wind, that I started to let the light in. My mood was lifting and the clouds in my mind were becoming less ominous and grey. The need to make my family suffer along with me grew less and less, and my frowns turned to smiles as we walked together in the cold.
I know that I need to be a thermostat - setting and regulating my own emotional temperature. I am, after all, an adult. My moods can set the tone and affect the day not only for myself, but my family too. But unfortunately, I am sometimes more like a rusty old boiler, clanking away in the corner - a petulant child, sulking and suffering. Admitting this is not easy, but I know that I am only human after all. The week I have had would test anyone, and I am not one for being Pollyanna-ish or filling this blog with toxic positivity. Yes, there was a place for my tears, anger, and frustrations this week, valid reasons for my disappointments and low mood. But whilst these have their place as real circumstances and emotions in a real un-filtered world, the true problem occurs when I allow these things to grow; I dwell on them, letting them fester untreated and not dealt with - just like a mouldy carpet!
It is all too easy to gloss over, cover up and sweep things under the rug - I'm also an expert at doing those things too. But I have learnt that sometimes, you need to get up, get out and look beyond where you are. This is not denial of pain, suffering, loss, or disappointment. But rather an acknowledgement that things are not right - facing them, accepting them, and moving on. My mood on Saturday was bringing me and my family down. I knew this, and so we all decided to do something about it. My husband’s wise word were 'we cannot change what has happened, but we can change how we are from now on'. And so we did.
We came home from our walk different to how we'd set out. Acknowledgement, acceptance, and action are three ways that bring about change for the better. And so, as I write this, it is Sunday. I woke up this morning glad it was a new day; thankful I have a chance to start again. Each new day is an opportunity for a new start. Each morning is an open door, a beginning full of possibilities. I am so happy that our lives move in cycles, each year, month, week, and day have their own starting points - blank pages yet to be written. This clean slate reminds me of forgiveness which also brings with it newness and a washing away of the old, a cleansing of past guilt and removal of yesterday’s shame.
So today I celebrate new beginnings, the dawning of a new day. Time to release the old and let go of yesterday's hang ups. Leave the pity party and move into a fresh 24 hours. By the end of the day there will have been mistakes made and possible regrets, but the hope o another chance tomorrow is a wonderful thing. Here's to another turn around the sun, our ability to forgive and let go, and to scrubbing clean the mouldy carpet!
Image via Unsplash